I absolutely loathe crying. In fact, I think it’s something that should be done but is so ingrained in us as to be almost a reflex. We are conditioned to do it and the thought of having to stop and reflect on what we’ve just done is so distressing. It’s a horrible feeling, and one that I’ve had several times.
Why? Well, because we are unable to stop, because the only thing that can stop us is having someone in our lives that we can talk to about what we did, and even if we could stop, it would be too late. If we had a time machine, we would never need to stop, because we could always go back to when we were 20 years old and be talking about what we did.
There are two very important parts to being on the other side of this. The first is the ability to have someone look back at this time and ask, “What did I do?” The second is that we have a chance to talk about these experiences and say how we feel.
It’s actually quite helpful to have a time machine. We can look back and ask, “What did I do?” and then see if we can find a way to explain our behavior. I think it would be helpful to have a time machine, but it wouldn’t be that helpful if it gave up on those important parts of ourselves.
So I’m not going to lie, it sucks to have someone look back and say, “You were on the other side of that experience.” Most of us have been through it, and we’ve grown beyond that point. We often talk about it, and we learn from it, but it’s one of those things that we don’t want to talk about.
I often hear that I should try to keep my feelings to myself, and so I’ll do that here. I don’t like to cry, and I hate the feeling of not being able to say what’s on my mind, of feeling inadequate in some way. I also hate feeling like I failed, that I made a mistake, that I didn’t succeed, and therefore I feel like I’m not good enough to be here.
Im not sure if this is because I have been taught to be self-conscious, or if this is just something that happens to us. Either way, I have a feeling if we don’t talk about it, the pain will never go away, and we will never move on.
I guess we all have to deal with this. I am not sure if it is something that happens to us, as we learn to deal with our emotions and learn to be more self-aware, or if it is something that happens to us just because we are human. I feel like it is something more than those two things, but I dont know.
I know that I have cried when I have been disappointed in myself, or when I have been disappointed in other people. I know that I have cried because my parents were sick, or not getting along with each other, or because I had to take care of a younger brother, or because of the death of a loved one. I know that I have cried because I had to deal with something that took me away from my loved ones, and that I have cried because I am upset with myself.
I can’t really tell you what to tell yourself because it’s not going to change anything. You cry because you feel sad, you cry because you feel guilty, you cry because you’re angry, you cry because you feel helpless, you cry because you feel hurt, you cry because you’re afraid, you cry because you’re overwhelmed. You cry because you feel overwhelmed or scared. Maybe not all of those reasons are applicable to you.
