When we don’t have enough to do, we can become very self-conscious and become very aware of how we’re doing. The first step to becoming self-aware is to figure out why we’re not doing what we know we should be doing.
There are many people who are just naturally self-absorbed. I get that. What I don’t get is why that is necessary, or what self-awareness can do that we are not aware of.
A lot of us are deficient in a certain area, and when we realize we are deficient, we can take a cue from the people we are deficient in and begin to do things a little bit differently. One person who has a very low self-esteem is probably very self-conscious. They may be afraid to be seen as self-absorbed, so they look at their own flaws and make excuses for them.
Well, I can tell you the first place I’ve seen it manifest in my life is when I was a kid. It’s why I got into bad behaviour. I was an obnoxious kid, but I was a self-absorbed child. I always had to justify my own behaviour, so I didn’t like the way I was being treated. I would constantly look for ways to get back at the person who had been beating me up.
I was a self-absorbed child, but I was also a poor student. I would hide my weaknesses, and when I found them I would tell myself I had the skills to get away with it. I would try to be perfect, doing all the right things to make myself look good. I was an insecure person, but I was also lazy. I would just sit in my room and do nothing. I was a perfectionist, but I was also an idiot.
Being an idiot is the one thing that most of us can agree on. If you’re an idiot, which I am, then you don’t tend to think too long about how you feel or think too hard about how you want to feel. You are an idiot and you are a self-absorbed little girl who feels all the time.
That sounds like a typical self-absorbed little girl to me. I would expect someone with a self-esteem problem to put in as much work as a self-absorbed, self-defeating little girl put in. I never did. I was lazy and insecure, so I just sat in my room and did nothing.
But when youre an idiot, you stop thinking about yourself and you start thinking about other people, and that’s the problem. In the last few days, I realized that I don’t think about myself that much. I get most of my thoughts from others and I am always thinking about others.
I didn’t realize how much I depended on other people to take care of me until I was very young. I was always so self-centered that I didn’t even want to be around other people. It took me a while to realize I was an idiot because I was so lazy and insecure. I didn’t want to be around anyone for a long time because I was afraid I would disappoint them.
People who take care of others are often called “dependents,” but this is not the same thing as being dependent. It’s actually a much better term than being an “entitlement.” Dependent people don’t take care of others because they expect something in return for their care. They take care of others because they want to.